Little children, big lie.
Sooner or later it happens. This introduces us parents into a stupor or shocking. This – the lies of our children. Once we catch favorite, perfect, Golden, most honest, righteous child, on lies. One day he confesses that he lost the keys, that «borrowed» you trifle from her purse or stubbornly silent on the issue «Who smoked in the room?».
Yes, once we understand that our child was lying. Is it dangerous, is there any reason to panic? What if the lie will grow into a habit? No. If you raise a child properly.
Quite naturally, if to a certain age, your baby won’t confess about who broke the vase and candy out of the vase. Until three or four years almost all the time the children the truth (on trifles). They still don’t know the difference between truth and lies, between «» «bad».
Crime and punishment. or a crime and a lie?
The first reason for which the child hides the truth, replacing it with a lie – fear of punishment . Committing some misdemeanor, «liar» chooses the lesser of two evils – to tell the truth and get an earful for what he did or lie to save himself from punishment – and selects, without a doubt, the second.
Of course, he knows that’s a lie – it’s bad, but because of the fear it «bad» leveled itself out. Encourage your child to what is behind the lie should be punished, and not necessarily from the parents . Tell us, for example, your baby fictional story with instructive morals. For example. Small hedgehog lost the ball, and the house said it made his friend the lion. After that innocent lion cub got – him after lunch was not given candy. The hedgehog was very, very ashamed – he burst into tears and told about his misconduct to the parents apologized to the cub. And all was well.
The story of the hedgehog/squirrel/mouse may vary in any direction – depending on what you have done your child. If the child has already left the age when teaching about animals operate, replace educational history on the idea, «what is good and what is bad», explain why a lie – this is bad. Bring some memorable example from my own childhood. Do those stories you’ve had enough.
However there is another side of the problem. When a child is easier to lie than to tell the truth that you will not be able to take adequately. For example, the fact that he/she hates his younger brother. If you want to teach your child to be honest, we need to be willing to listen and sometimes bitter truth – not only «pleasant». Want your child grew up honest and sincere? Don’t let him lie to them about their thoughts and feelings, whatever they may be. Our reactions to Express feelings help him to understand whether honesty – the best policy . Isn’t it?
Three gaming consoles, two bikes and
in-o-o-t like this bike!
The reason for the lie can be of a different kind – as well as itself a lie.
Let’s say your «kid» likes to make up stories, talking about imaginary adventures, events, people, things. For example, boys from less affluent families love to tell my friends in the yard of that house with them – «three gaming consoles, two bikes and one bike». Maybe at first the guys and believe the stories, then – start laughing and even teasing. As adults, inventing wealth – the consequence of a lack in something and a consequence of mental discomfort . It is a way to identify his fears and hopes – what it lacks, and what the kid wants. Besides, a lie can be a means by which child wants to impress comrades. This is very dangerous because it may become addictive .
For example, your child said that night came to him a fairy who brought him a kitten. Do not laugh at the little baby, don’t say in plain text «You lie!». It doesn’t help. Tell me this: « Perhaps you would like to get a kitten for your birthday? What? »
And this in spite of you!
In rare cases, a blatant lie is provocative: in this way children Express their despair, loneliness, lack of love and attention (especially if the parents are constantly arguing or even live separately). For this poor child to lie – it is a way to elicit some attention, by any means. It’s loud and desperate cry «Pay attention to me!». You may not hear this request for help, deciding that this «a terrible liar» does everything in spite of you and of bad parenting. How to recognize a desperate lie? Yes just! Heart. Ask « Why? » no child (you don’t get the self-reflection and a clear, straightforward answer to your question), but to myself.
There is such a form of lying, boastful non-existent achievements, which occurs when children are victims of parental vanity. From kids too much waiting – they are not able to justify those hopes. «Above ceiling not jump». Then they begin to come up with their progress. At the slightest real luck they have done it repeatedly exaggerating, if only to gain the approval, acceptance, gentle and kind look mom . Boastful «liar» – it nedoguleny child. Step over their ambitions and vanities – often find the occasion to admire the baby. Not so much the result but the process itself, the efforts that the baby puts.
Do what I do
Anyway, in many families the children are not educated in proper relation to the lie. And most often because the adults themselves don’t neglect «games with the truth». Therefore, if you do not wish to have your baby turned into a fraud, take care of yourself: there is no need to tell him that candy is delicious and now that its going to take uncle is a policeman . Is the child aware that somewhere you tricky, but somewhere blatantly cheating him – and he will tell you the same. If you can, why not him?!
And one more rule. If you know exactly what the child tells a lie, no need to bring him to the truth questions, tricks and questions-traps. ‘t force him to lie on to protect yourself . Suppose the child had not passed the book to the library. Question « You passed the tutorial? Exactly? Then why is he in the closet? » is not correct . You will only make the child nervous, svorachivayasi and plunging in a lie. It is more correct to notice « See, you didn’t sell the book. Please do that, rather ». Be honest and straightforward!
Future Orwell, Goethe, or the author «Harry Potter»?
And finally. Sometimes, the reasons for cheating just yet. The kids are unmotivated lie takes the form of a fanciful imagination. The preschooler in the river can bite a crocodile, he can see the domovenok Kuzya or UFO in the window. Such writing may be a sign of a special liveliness of imagination, the propensity to work. It is hardly necessary to strictly judge for such fictions – after all, children are just trying to impress you, to arouse our admiration . It may be wise to give the dreamer a beautiful notebook to record his stories – suddenly, in a couple of decades in your family will be a great writerfantast?