How to raise a child?
How noisy, unruly, ill-mannered children we notice around you! And what gross mistakes of their mothers – do not make comments on time, ignore the cries, or, conversely, absolutely do not keep yourself in hand, showing monstrous pedagogical failure. All this is true even before that time, while in our family got their little miracle. And here comes an unpleasant discovery – adults feel helpless before the whims and tantrums, and people often see a twisted face the wrath of the mother, not quite knowing how to raise a child.
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Why thousands of wise advice, which seemed so simple and effective, in practice, are not good? How it is that seeing the flaws of others and feeling sorry for kids that moms and dads can’t learn to negotiate, we ourselves fall into the same trap of becoming a parent?
Nurtured from the cradle?
Tiny three-kilogram bag in the elegant envelope with a first hours of life changes all our previous setup, and weak hands firmly grasp the reins, immediately explaining to others, who is in charge now. At this stage many make the mistake of trying to restore the status quo. Kid grumbled, not wanting to leave the mother hand, does not want to sleep, confusing day and night. Surprisingly, getting ready for a sleepless night beforehand, some women are absolutely not ready to such changes, and the first thing my mom, trying not to submit to the regime of the newborn.
Indeed, the entire Soviet pedagogy advocated to not allow the baby to dictate the rules. Yells? But if he’s fed and dry, it means that a woman has fully complied with its duty and has the right not to respond to the “whims”. Ate, but requires the continuation of the Banquet? Pricise, baby, to live strictly by the hour – the next meal will follow in exactly three hours. Healthy? Then the screams cannot be and speeches! And really, children, almost devoid of parental affection, seem a lot less hectic and pampered – almost like a toy Tamagotchi, they serve only audible tones, reminiscent of feeding time or reporting of wet diapers.
And only after months and even years the result of such “education” brings sad fruits – the child has not learned of communication, not enough care and love, which, it turns out, he wanted nothing less than mother’s milk and hygiene. So the first rule for a newborn as the air – raise it from birth, but not the regime and rigor, and love: because it’s never too much.
What do we expect from their children?
What you need to raise a child? Many parents will not hesitate to answer: “he was a good boy.” In the first year of life we perceives its requirements to suit your needs, wanting to get some respite from the endless worries, since year start to demand obedience, and then at three – unquestioning obedience. But our challenge is not in creating comfortable in all respects family member. The parents have a much larger responsibility to teach, to become a conductor in a serious world of adults, to understand, to hear, to maintain and to adjust. Such work is much thinner and harder than the one where there are slaps and cries.
The principle of the sponge
A small child can be compared to a bottomless vessel that is filled with everything that surrounds him. These experiences and form a picture of the world crumbs. Whatever may seem slow reaction, nor how long she would have to wait for the result, we must not forget that in the first years of life the baby will be endlessly absorb all that sees and notices everything around. And because his world is still very tight and limited to parents, and from them he will get the first rules of conduct and principles. Do not forget that as he grows older, he begins to reflect and transmit only what is seen from their teachers.
That’s why a good psychologist at the first meeting drew more attention to the behavior of the parents than on his little “patient”, because their mistakes cause total misunderstanding in the family.
Obstacles to proper education
Loss of contact
How to raise a disobedient child – after all, our words and admonitions bump into an invisible wall, and the fashion advice of psychologists and experienced educators seem not to work? The baby heard, we often increase the volume to a shout, and some have to use force. Unfortunately, it seems to us that the immediate result disproves the theory about the inadmissibility of violence, after dozens of repetitions produced the effect which gave a shout or a slap. If your child seems to you to be naughty, do not be lazy to perform a simple test to measure the speed of its response to your request. If the wait is prolonged, then the thread that connected you in the birth of a baby, exploded. Do not attempt to glue it by force – now you have to re-gain trust and credibility.
Disagreements between parents and their own contradictions
Criticism and negativity
Little fingers will long remain disobedient, movement – uncoordinated and awkward. And if physical sluggishness most adults can tolerate, the actions and behavior of silly too often cut the ground from under his feet. The same mistakes, the repetition of the misconduct and mistakes parents make to get angry and annoyed. And with our mouths increasingly frustrated words of annoyance. Don’t forget that the promotion will always be much more effective than criticism, because the latter teaches us to judge, while praise – rate. Condemnation and parental dissatisfaction will awaken in the child a sense of guilt, and the approval will help to feel more confident. Remember that doubt in your own abilities will never be positive and constructive.
The lack of trust
Often adults complain about the lack of its credibility in the eyes of children. The rules are not met and requests are ignored. In some cases the kid is cheating and deceiving, adapting to the circumstances, and sometimes in the open puts the parent innocence into question. The erosion of trust is always the fault of adults, while also monitoring a small step into the abyss of misunderstanding is not easy. Look to your actions and words, daily and quietly undermine your parental authority:
Impossible promises. Did you know that children in the state a few months to remember this promise you casually? You decided to give yourself five minutes of silence, promising to buy vending toy or candy tomorrow? Keep in mind that you will forget about his word in exactly one minute, a child believe you and waiting for the fulfillment of a promise.
Empty threats. In the moment when you promise to severely currently impose embargo on evening dessert or scare the ban on a walk, keep in mind the rule: the child believes in the inevitability of punishment. Never take into service impossible conditions – threatening that the game or the trip will be interrupted, remember that unforeseen circumstances do not justify your lies, even if you use the principle of “last times.”
Own example. By setting up the rules, follow and willingness to abide by them. Of course, going to bed at exactly 9 p.m. adults are not required, but logical thinking will certainly put the kid in a dead end at exactly the moment when forbidding him to say “bad words” Mama herself suddenly break out swearing, picked a fight with a neighbor. What child has not voiced his bewilderment, does not mean that in his mind and not go faster: he immediately begins to comprehend and condemn your “double standards”.
Thinking about the principles of education, consider an important detail – the process is extended in time, and the result is not always instant. The puzzle pieces are assembled into one picture throughout the whole period of childhood, and although no parent is perfect, wise and judicious decisions should always outweigh the embarrassing blunders and mistakes.