CONFLICT BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Lifestyle. The most common causes of friction are disputes on the following issues:
• the choice of friends and partners;
• partying, dance halls, discotheques, bars, etc.;
• the nature of the pastime and idleness;
• coming home and going to bed;
• choice of clothing or hairstyle.
Usually parents complain that teenagers are never home and spend all of their time outside the family. They are trying to strictly regulate the time of your home, and even the distance that they can move away from home.
Responsibility. Almost always parents criticize teenagers but that they did not show enough responsibility. The requirement of this kind concerns the following issues:
• performing chores around the house;
• earning and spending money;
• respect for the personal belongings, clothing, housing;
• use of the telephone;
• work outside the home;
• use of the family property and belongings: furniture, tools, food products, appliances and equipment.
19 Reihe F. the Psychology of adolescence and youth.
Fig. 19. Causes of conflict between parents and children
School. Learning, behaviour and attitudes to school constantly attract the attention of parents who are concerned because:
• the performance of children;
• the behaviour of children in school;
• attendance at school;
• they complete homework;
• General attitudes to school and teachers.
About school between parents and children is a constant struggle. Ten years alone go to school, and ten other years they are experiencing. Children think they are learning to their parents and parents struggle to give a decent education to their children. Often war is a life and death. Knowing who undermined their health and strength — parents or children.
Relationships in the family. The family atmosphere is seriously affected by the parents themselves: the conflict between them is extremely unfavorable impact on the teenagers. Conflicts between parents and adolescents usually occur when:
• infantile behavior of adolescents;
• demonstrative disrespect to parents;
• quarrels teenagers with brothers and sisters;
• complex relationship of adolescents with family — especially with elderly grandparents.
In the teenage parents tend to see helpers who can replace them in some household chores. They lay, and rightfully so, high hopes for them. But they are not always justified.
Conflicts are often played out in families with command management method than in the families of democratic by nature. In the first cause of the conflict often becomes a question of spending money, activities outside the home, perform household works.
A study of family problems, including marital disagreements and quarrels between parents and children has revealed that high levels of conflict disrupts the cohesion of the family and has the most adverse impact on the development of adolescents. Adolescents from families with high conflict more likely to demonstrate antisocial behavior, immaturity, low self-esteem.
Since 12 years the girl arguing with her parents because of boys, but the peak of the conflict usually falls on 14 or 15 years. Boys he accounted for 16 years. Girls more often than boys, complaining of family problems.
Moral values. Here are the main factors that cause perpetual headache parents:
• Smoking teen use of alcohol and drugs;
• abusive language and youth slang;
• the sexual life of a teenager;
• failure to comply with a teenager laws.
In this list the most frightening for parents is usually Smoking, drinking and premarital sex life. The latter form of behavior can keep a young man or girl in secret from their parents, but Smoking mother notices almost immediately. The main reason for the objections of parents — alcohol, Smoking and early sex harm the baby’s health.
Typically, adolescents more often reported difficulties in the relationship with the father than with the mother. Perhaps they feel a great closeness to the mother, who generally enjoys a predominant effect on children.
The environment in which the child is brought up determines those fears and anxieties, experiencing his parents. If a child grows up in an area known for high crime and prevalence of drug abuse, then, of course, his parents are concerned about these issues.
The number of families is also an important factor of conflict. The larger the family, the higher the level of conflict between parents and children and the more parents use physical force to keep teenagers in line.
In General, conflicts in the family is almost impossible to avoid. It is possible only to adjust their frequency, depth, effects. Therefore, there is not conflict-free families, there is little – and mnogochastichnye. Fear not the conflicts themselves, and their inability to resolve and manage them.
When the General atmosphere of harmony in the family quarrels have also a positive side in that it gives the opportunity in practice to explore ways of reconciliation. Family members must learn to share, to respect the feelings and desires of each other, to settle the differences.