For kid stealing someone’s thing – it’s natural. While the parents are in a panic.
How to root the children “criminal tendencies”.
My distant cousin Rita is in trouble. Her eight-year-old son max in school caught stealing. At the break stole from the neighbor’s party, a new pencil case. Baby Mama baby prank turned into deep stress. It was a shame in the eyes of the teacher to watch. And matrix complicated dad, Oleg, even took up the belt.
– He has these canisters – even stationery store open! – in tears complaining cool. – That he, his little?!
Really, I’ve never seen Max in anything needed. Costumes – from good shops, a backpack is the most fashionable. Cool and Oleg his son love and a time to chat with them find. And the thief grows?
Children caught stealing many parents. And often the “grasping hands” of the child lead to a very grown-conflicts – with relatives, classmates, teachers. Simply because for us, adults, to steal means to behave badly, to violate the laws. And for them, children? We talked about this with a family and child psychologist at psychological center “On Volkhonka” Maria Serebryakova.
BLAME NOT THE EDUCATION, AND THE BRAIN
Baby starts stealing another yard in the sandbox. Most kids, as soon as be among their peers, and strive to take away something worthwhile from another toddler. Machine, toy or bucket shapers. Parents of young thieves immediately sprinkle ashes on his head: badly brought up! But this is not always the case.
– At a very early age, says Maria Serebriakova, the child personifies himself with the toy. Teddy bear or doll is a continuation of his inner world. Therefore, very small children so easy to usurp someone else’s and it is difficult to share. Baby, whether it is three years or even nine years, sometimes behaving unconsciously. In fact, the basis of such theft in the fact that the child has not yet formed, some parts of the brain. They are responsible for the control of behavior and emotion control.
Psychologists even made experiment: children 4 – 5 years closed one in the room and put on the table their favorite sweetness. Candy or cookies you can eat in a minute. But if you wait 10 minutes, the child would give three more same sweets. The amazing fact is that out of a hundred children have been able to hold back either two, or four.
For a small child to take someone else’s thing is the same, what to eat chocolate.
IF THE MOTHER IS A WEAK LINK
But one thing – theft as a prank in children of preschool and younger school age. Another thing, when fifteen years of age through the day cynically devastates the parental purse.
Van fifteen. His parents divorced when the boy went to the first class. Mom makes a career. Dad is a solid businessman. Each time, after the boy comes to visit his father, lost another cell phone, leather jacket, a large sum of money. And the next day Vanya suddenly there is a new game console or a fancy player.
Almost all the cases I have encountered in my practice, similar to the story of Vani – sighs psychologist. – Divorce. Hard father, vypleskivaya your love for the offspring in the form of rare gifts. Soft mother raising a son alone and forced most of the time not at the plate, and at meetings. And therefore experiencing terrible guilt complex. She is doing to his neglected little children everything. And the child in reply is rude. Yes, and steal. Speaking the language of psychologists, the trouble of such families is that in the relations between its members are not observed hierarchy. The older child controls, manipulates them. Cute, and parents – the weak link.
By the way, inveterate thieves grow not only in incomplete or financially disadvantaged families (then it just all clear – moms and dads simply can’t provide your son or daughter to all those that have with his peers). Hunger is not only when there is nothing there. There is an emotional hunger. This is when a person, in this case the child, lack of warmth, love and care. And these important things can’t be replaced with a new computer or a trip to Disneyland.
The algorithm is simple. “Hungry” (that is deprived of attention) the child is just trying to compensate for a deficiency of emotion and emptiness in his soul. And so zealously sought to surround themselves with the best, beautiful and expensive that coveted someone else’s.
STEALS – SO GROWING UP?
You’d be surprised, but that the child is stealing, not only disadvantages but also advantages. Maria Serebriakova and many other psychologists are sure that the assignment of the child is someone else’s things should not go unnoticed and become a life lesson. This is a pretty bad sin like stealing, in childhood and adolescence – a stage of growth and development, awareness of its responsibility. Kids and teenagers need to break the rules, not in books, but in yourself to know what is crime and what the punishment is.
Sociologists claim that theft is the most popular school of crime. They account for about 60% of all incidents that happen in the classrooms and corridors of educational institutions. Most often the object of attention of thieves mobile phones. In second place – school supplies. The third – garments.
What to do if you are caught the child’s hand
Psychologists advise: up to 9 years old child is not severely punished for misconduct. But certainly need to do so the baby was carried out of the misconduct of a lesson. More learn from your mistakes children, not adults.
If you saw that your son or daughter pocketed another thing, don’t make it a lie and come up with explanations for how he got this item. Whatever “beautiful” legend, he invented, he must understand the fact that theft does not go unnoticed.
Talk to your child, say that you understand the motives of his conduct. For example, that you also sometimes like things that are owned by others. But explain why you never take someone else’s thing without permission of the owner!
Consider the punishment. It must not be cruel. It is not necessary to cling to the belt. This may be the exclusion of traditional promotion. Sometimes it is enough that the kid saw how it upset their parents ‘ transgression. To educate in fear is wrong.
One of the main reasons forcing the child to steal, is the lack of attention. To resist the little thief can, if you build with him really close relationship, to tell stories from his life and the lives of friends, of which child understand how to behave and how not.
Why more kids attract other people’s things?
Many boys and girls try to infringe on other people’s things if they were offended. Depriving the offender of a favorite toy, Bicycle or cell phone, this way they punish him.
Often the younger generation to theft push careless words of parents. For example, if mom and dad speak disapprovingly of those adults who make more money, dress better and more likely to treat their own children. Similar words the child was able to count tacit permission.
To bad actions, including theft, children are often pushed by their peers. To starchy and not very lively boys and girls demonstrated by this action your edge.